I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
