I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
