They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
