I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
