last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
