My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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