Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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