I'm eating all of the evidence.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
