so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
