how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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