shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
