Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
