Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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