i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
