Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I believe in your delicious
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
