His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
