I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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