I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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