If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
