Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
