i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dicks are not precious.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
