Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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