I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize