Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
