I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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