You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
