If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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