did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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