why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
