Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
