Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
