talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
