Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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