ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
