Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You've changed since you got that strap on
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
