im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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