i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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