help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
