we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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