By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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