You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
