He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
