I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
