He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
