shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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