So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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