I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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