i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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