youre lurking in front of me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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