He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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