also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize