I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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