my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
