hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
