I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize