the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Panties = found
Randomize
