real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
