she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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