We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
