I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
