I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine