I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
