I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
