Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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