There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
