I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Houston, we have a blender
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
